I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
