Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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