It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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