At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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