He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
