i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
did i just pee glitter
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
