yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
