I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
