I got chris browned last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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