hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
