I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
