So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
farters have to be the big spoon...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
