She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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