There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
