i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
