my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
