he puts the penis in happiness.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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