I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Someone came in the potted fern
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
