Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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