Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
