just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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