I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
