This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
