i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
