So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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