wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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