Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
