**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
