Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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