dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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