My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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