3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
