Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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