I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
