I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
