the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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