I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
