I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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