is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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