New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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