Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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