I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
