that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
