TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
