Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
