i can't believe i had my finger in that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
