I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No subtext here. People are naked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
