so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
