Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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