yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
