Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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