for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
