i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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