just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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