Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
