then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
