I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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