I wish I could teleport
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
