she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
