Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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