Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
