Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
