That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
