Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
