the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize