Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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