I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
