and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
