I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is the high leading the old right now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
