Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
