Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
