You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
