Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
