from now on my penis is your penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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