Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
