My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
id be glad to
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
