My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
