the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
